Searching for Meaning and Purpose--Grace

"Why did Rachel die?"  That's not really a question I've allowed myself to ask, but instead have asked many times, "How is God glorifying himself through this and is there meaning and purpose in it for us to learn?"

Through my pondering, processing and grieving one theme has continuously come to the surface and that is GRACE.  God has been showing and teaching our family a deeper meaning of grace, I think, in a wide variety of ways.  Do I wish he would have taught them to us in a different way?  Absolutely--I would do anything not to have to experience this pain.  But I'd like to share with you a few of the ways God has portrayed his grace (in no particular order):

Grace in feeling God near even at our lowest.  One of the songs that has been playing frequently while I struggled through processing pictures and my own emotions is the song "Never Once" by Matt Redman.

Grace in holding each other when one of us fell apart and supporting each other as we grieved in our own ways.


Grace in the ability to forgive the Ghanaians who made our grief all the more difficult.


Grace in the prayers and support of so many around the world, mission and blood families and friends known and unknown.

Grace in realizing and accepting that Rachel wasn't just our daughter, sister, wife...but gave of herself to everyone.  We had a very difficult time finding pictures of Rachel by herself because she was always there for others.  There were also comments made on the memorial site to the effect of, "I only met Rachel once, but have never forgotten her."


Grace in holding our family a little closer.

 

 

If God had asked to take Rachel so others might be drawn closer to him or come to know him for the first time--could we have give her up freely?  There is Grace in the unknown.


Grace and healing in family worship.

Grace in loving children who didn't understand what was going on completely and in having patience to answer their many questions.

Grace in laughter and play together, despite our sorrow and pain.

Grace in the assurance we will see Rachel again some day so it's not "good-bye" but "See you later!".

Photo by Ian

Grace in the assurance that God will continue to heal, comfort and glorify his name.

Precious Moments: Micah

A few of Micah:

A big boy who rides his tryke with pedals now!

He and Brandon have been very busy building all kinds of things lately--the pencil in the ear must be ever present so he can be "like daddy".

Blessings

February and March

A perfect capture of my children's personalities....they were both very proud of the "fort" they had built and Brandon wanted his picture taken with it, Micah, however, wanted nothing to do with the camera.

Brandon being the big brother and making breakfast for the two of them, including cutting the bread with a butter knife.

A rare and precious moment.

One Friday, after weeks of rain and cloudy skies, we had some brilliant sunshine and 52 degrees
so we headed out to the "blue boat park".  Even though it was windy enough to fly the kite by itself,
Brandon ran too--none of this standing still business.

Once again, Micah made it difficult to get a picture of him.

There was a free tee-ball clinic in Bellingham at the beginning of March, so to get a feel for whether Brandon would enjoy
doing a team sport here in town, we let him experience this first.  At first he refused to do anything until I pulled him aside
and reminded him how good he was at hitting the ball at home.  Then he decided to give it a try and loved every minute
with a ball.

He is a very strong hitter!

But when they gave him a bat to "pretend" hitting a ball and then arbitrarily run
around the bases--he would have none of it!

Just for fun at the end, they played "What Time is it Mr. Fox" and Brandon really got into that as well.

Tomorrow we begin a new season of life.  Brandon starts playing tee-ball on a team.  He's pretty excited but a little apprehensive as well.  It helped that the coach told us he should bring his own glove...that got him really excited.  Here's to trying new things.

Beginning to Process

Since we first got the news of Rachel's accident, my mind has been hurtling, trying to grasp some meaning...and always it came back to the reminder that Easter was just around the corner and the thought continued to confuse me.  What could Easter being near possibly have anything to do with Rachel's accident?

Tuesday as I sat down to some early morning quiet time , I pulled out the book The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey that I have been reading through for awhile.  I was struggling to control my completely uncontrollable fluctuating emotions when I read about a conversation Yancey had with a woman in the airport.  She asked him, "Philip, do you ever just let God love you?...It's pretty important, I think."  I sat in silence simply letting God's love pour over me and it was healing.

This morning there was a vast need for a reminder of hope in my mind and heart.  Words come easily to spout off to others, but is it so easy to truly believe them when my heart is so full of pain?  Not so much.  But then Yancey finished his book talking about Good Friday and Easter and how we are living on Saturday, the "inbetween" time.

"The very things that make us feel inadequate, the very things that plunder hope, these are what God uses to accomplish his work.  For proof, look at the cross."

"The German theologian Jurgan Moltmann expresses in a single sentence the great span from Good Friday to Easter.  It is, in fact, a summary of human history, past, present, and future: 'God weeps with us so that we may someday laugh with him."

Easter IS coming!!